Tips for Sharing Child Custody

Put Your Children First

Depending on how your marriage ended, it’s understandable that you may have feelings of resentment, sadness, or animosity toward your ex-spouse. But if you want to make co-parenting work, it’s important that you set these feelings aside and put the focus on your kids. As tough as it may be, the needs of your children must come before your own strong emotions in order for your shared custody to work. A few ways to do this include:

• Sharing your negative thoughts and feelings with a trusted individual that isn’t your child. A family member, friend, or therapist can serve as a healthy outlet for getting everything off your chest.
• Don’t let your children know about your feelings toward your ex. Your problems remain between you and your former spouse, and your kids shouldn’t be put in the middle.
• Remember your child’s best interests are at stake. They deserve a relationship with you and their other parent, and properly sharing custody is vital for that to happen.

Effectively Communicate With Your Ex

Communication is always key, especially in cases of shared parental custody. It may seem impossible at first, but effective communication is necessary to ensure you’re both providing the best care possible for your kids. You and your ex don’t have to become the best of friends, but you do need to have polite and conflict-free direct communication with each other. You might consider family counseling to make this work, or you can rely on texts and emails to avoid stressful interactions in person or over the phone. Regardless of how you and your former spouse decide to communicate, you should do so respectfully and with neutrality.

Create a Shared Parenting Plan

If you and your ex are making up your parenting plan as you go along, it’s easy for conflicts to arise if one person disagrees with the other. That’s why it’s necessary for you both to sit down and create a shared parenting plan with rules and schedules you can agree on. Whether you go through a family attorney or do it yourselves, this is a step you don’t want to miss when working on sharing child custody. As you and your former spouse make your plan, consider the following:

• What lifestyle rules, like curfews or screen time, will you implement at both houses?
• How will you split holidays, birthdays, and summer vacations?
• Can either of you introduce your children to new significant others, and if so, when?
• How will you handle discipline?
• What can you do to help your kids adjust to two separate households?

Treat Your Ex With Respect

At the end of the day, when it comes to co-parenting with your ex-spouse, it’s important that you respect each other. You don’t have to like each other or even get along when your children aren’t around, but you do need to treat each other with respect. If either of you are disrespectful, it can easily create stress, tension, and even more animosity. Instead, consider treating each other as though you’re colleagues. Remain neutral, but be considerate and polite. No matter how you feel about your ex, they’re your kids’ other parent, and they deserve to be treated respectfully.

You Can Make Co-Parenting Work

Navigating shared custody immediately after a divorce is a challenge. But by following the tips we’ve shared here today, you and your former spouse can make co-parenting work. Communication and respect are vital, and you must have a shared parenting plan you can both agree on. Above all, it’s necessary to put your children and their needs first. They don’t have anything to do with your divorce, and they deserve to have healthy relationships with their parents, so a successful custody agreement is a must.